Friday, March 20, 2009
The Hospital Stay
Hello Everyone, Greeting from the Mayoral Staff of Poverty Hill, (Judi and TW). Well the past few weeks have been, howz the best way to put it, "Eventful". I've been poked, prodded, wired, drilled, cut, beat, slammed, snatched, tested, sucked, and a lot of other thangs that I dare not mention. It's been a helluva month for us. Miss Judi took me and checked me into one of those hospitals and they put me in something they call an ICU. Ya know there wuz a bunch of sick people in there and I really didn't feel like I belonged there. Anyway my Doc drilled a hole in my neck and put a wierd looking contraption in that he called a Swan Ganz so that he could keep a check on the pressures between my heart and lungs. Let me tell you somethin, that hurt like crazy, felt like he was jerking my neck clean out but I guess I've had worse. Anyway I had gained something like 16 pounds in just 2 or 3 days so I knew somethin was wrong cause I hadn't been eatin that much. Now I love to eat, don't get me wrong but I hadn't eaten nearly that much...... They started some IV Lasix and Lordy the first night I was there I lost 8 pounds and then 6 pounds the next day. Now I know there's lots of folks that wish they could loose that much weight that fast, but Lordy it sho nuff left me weak.
Well the first night I was there they brought me a plate that didn't have enuff on it to keep a chicken alive. I looked at it and asked the nurse if that was just a snack and she laffed at me, then she told me nope, that was my meal. Yall it just made me that much hungrier. She was a cutie so I wuz nice to her and told her thank you. Well the next morning they brought me another one of those chicken meals with just enuff to wet my appetite. Lordy yall they wuz starving me to death, I knew I'd die of starvation before I got well from all my other stuff.....laffin. Anyway, you know they have those strict rules in the ICU and won't let peeps come and go as they would like to so Miss Judi and Steve and Shane our two boys had to come in at certain times. You know bein a man and all, I'm just about worthless unless I have Judi to tell me when and when not to do things, so I just flirted and laffed and had a good ole time with the nurses until they told me I'd have to be a little quieter that I'd get em into trouble. On the second night I was in prison ICU I told Shane and Steve to bring me a cheeseburger that these people wuz starvin me to death. Man when they came in I smelled the cheese when they came in to outer doors to the ICU..woooohooooooooooo food. The boys came in with a big ole double meat with cheese that looked better than any steak I'd ever laid my eyes on. I unwrapped that baby, checked to make sure all the goodies were on it and before I could sink my teeth into the first bite a big ole nurse came outta nowhere. She reached across my bed to snatch my hot tasty big ole cheeseburger telling me that I couldn't have anything like that. Well yall that made me so dayum mad I could've spit fire....laffin. I told that nurse, "Just try and take this dayum cheeseburger from me and we're gonna have a helluva fight"........LMAO......the thing is I wuz dayum serious about it...LOL. She didn't know whether to crap or go blind, she saw that I was mad as hell....Yall I wuz starvin. Anyway to make the story short my sons took the cheeseburger from me with me clawin and beggin and grabbin for it, and told me that the nurse knew what I could and couldn't have and they didn't want to do anything that would make me worse. I watched with my mouth waterin and droolin for that big ole cheeseburger as they took it away, with my poor ole stomach growlin and groanin and quickly reached and grabbed a handful of fries and threw em in my mouth before they do get em........I wuz desperate.....laffin. I gave the nurse my best evil eye, the one that say you need to get ur butt outta here right now, as she left the room. I guess it worked because I never saw her again while I was there.
Well the doc got most of the fluid off me and told me that my pressures had improved since I started taking the Remodulin, which was very good news. He released me and gave me a bunch of new meds and told me that I'd be started on oxygen. I feel much better now and am glad to be home on Poverty Hill where I rule the roost when Miss Judi lets me.
Glad you could stop by and see me, if yall ever over this way be sure and stop by, my door is always open to my friends.
Hugzz and Handshakes